Post by maingimp on Jul 23, 2007 23:23:26 GMT
With the builders on holidays, last weekend saw the provincial finals of the first events in the annual Builders GAA Triathlon
First event up was the Wheel Barrow - clean, lift and push, The rules stating that the competitors use a quantity of 6” blocks over a distance of 100m., The greater the qty in the quickest time getting the most points.
In Munster the finals got under way in Sunny Rathkeale, this is not to be mixed up with the rougher Shia Rathkeale area or where the travellers have taken over the town. It rained heavily all morning as only the Irish summer does but the competitors in good spirits from the late night the night before said it would enhanse the day out.
Colin “The Burger King” Corkery of Cork got the event underway as he setup a load of 15 blocks as his target but he struggled to get the barrow off the ground and took ten penalty points when he reduced his load to 13. After 4 minutes and 37.26 seconds of grunting and groaning he finally got his laces tied of his personalized predator Wellingtons. His big hands soft from city living finally seized the wheelbarrow grips and he was off at a sprint down the marked runway with his arse bursting through the seams of his oversized O’Neills shorts, some people commentating that he looked deceptive and that he was actually slower than he looked. He finished in a time of 28.35 minutes. With his smaller load of blocks and his time he was awarded 1239 points and 3 Large Big Mac Meals, he declined the free toy and the Diet drink.
Next up to the grid representing Tipperary was John “The Bull” Carroll, The big man from Roscrea horsed 18 blocks up on his barrow, and spat into both hands twice cursing something about Cork under his breath and took a deep breath and picked up the handles of his barrow, creaking and groaning under the load, and Carroll was straining too, but the barrow held firm and he was making good progress, covering the first 25m in a time of 5.01 minutes. He made the half way mark in just over 11 minutes and looked to be on course for a Munster record. When he powered into the final ¼ of the race however disaster struck when the front wheel (for those who don’t know there is only one wheel on a wheel barrow) burst under the load, Carroll after building up a burst of speed went ploughing over the top of the barrow and landed heavily on his left shoulder, his goose looked cooked. The huge crowd were hushed into silence to see if he would get up, finally in what seemed like an eternity of nearly 2 minutes he gingerly sat up, spat in his hands again and growled “f**k it anyway”, he threw the cooked goose on top of the blocks and off he meandered as he struggled to push the wounded barrow over the finishing line to a rousing reception of Sliabh na Mban in a time of 31.28. His points total just ahead of Corkery of 1243.
The crowd now were well up for the contest and with 2 competitors to go the excitement was building to a crescendo. Pints were liberally drank and the banter flowed
as freely as the piss in the field, the lack of toilet facilities was a problem for some.
Next to the line was Ger “Loughie” Loughnane of Clare. 17 Blocks was his aggressive target, however before he could even get going there was a skirmish with a small lad with a squeaky voice wildly swinging what looked like a hurley and jumping from the crowd and making a drive at Loughnane. He pulled a dirty belt across the knuckles of the bould Ger and then shouted “I am the best Goal Keeper in Clare, remember 95, remember 97”. The crowd went mad and the young fellow was lucky to get out alive after a good shoeing, some thought he looked like the dancing priest from Kerry but this could not be proved. Loughnane was seriously hurt however, but the referee from Cork a Mr. F. Murphy was having none of his pleas of a time out and made him push his load, He got only 37.4m in ot the race before he had to give up, he was disqualified to loud cheers especially from the Tipperary contingent in the crowd.
Next up was the reigning All Ireland Champion Eoin "The Bomber” Liston of Kerry. He matched the 18 blocks of Carroll but only spat the once into his hands, the crowd were in awe thinking here was a serious athlete with only the wan spit, His body hugging Lycra Kerry outfit and his newly trimmed beard gave him a great advantage in the aerodynamics stakes. He yanked up the barrow and He tore down the pathway but it wasn’t to be as the hamstring he was suffering with in the weeks prior to he contest tweaked suddenly. In Great pain, the Bomber dropped the barrow and there was only one thing for it, he pulled down the suit revealing a hidden repair kit from a hidden pocket of his suit. He took a big slug from the bottle of tae and a big bite of a crust of a ham sangwich. Casting the kit aside The Bomber farted loudly twice and picked up his wheelbarrow and made again for the line crashing over in a time of 31.19 giving him a slender lead with Carroll on points total. However upon reviewing the video of the race the referee Murphy from Cork deemed that the tae the Bomber had drank had not been Barry’s tae and he was deducted 1 point for unsportingly using a Lyons tae bag. The rules of the GPA (Gaelic Pushers Association) clearly stating that the preferred tae was Barry’s Tae.
So after round one Carroll from Tipp holds a slender lead over Liston with Corkery third and Loughnane a distant 4th.
The next competition next weekend in this Triathlon is the eagerly awaited Blindfolded Scaffolding and Shuttering Knockout, though with his height and dexterity about the box the Bomber is being made pre match favorite for this. A nation holds it breath.
Any takers for Leinster?
First event up was the Wheel Barrow - clean, lift and push, The rules stating that the competitors use a quantity of 6” blocks over a distance of 100m., The greater the qty in the quickest time getting the most points.
In Munster the finals got under way in Sunny Rathkeale, this is not to be mixed up with the rougher Shia Rathkeale area or where the travellers have taken over the town. It rained heavily all morning as only the Irish summer does but the competitors in good spirits from the late night the night before said it would enhanse the day out.
Colin “The Burger King” Corkery of Cork got the event underway as he setup a load of 15 blocks as his target but he struggled to get the barrow off the ground and took ten penalty points when he reduced his load to 13. After 4 minutes and 37.26 seconds of grunting and groaning he finally got his laces tied of his personalized predator Wellingtons. His big hands soft from city living finally seized the wheelbarrow grips and he was off at a sprint down the marked runway with his arse bursting through the seams of his oversized O’Neills shorts, some people commentating that he looked deceptive and that he was actually slower than he looked. He finished in a time of 28.35 minutes. With his smaller load of blocks and his time he was awarded 1239 points and 3 Large Big Mac Meals, he declined the free toy and the Diet drink.
Next up to the grid representing Tipperary was John “The Bull” Carroll, The big man from Roscrea horsed 18 blocks up on his barrow, and spat into both hands twice cursing something about Cork under his breath and took a deep breath and picked up the handles of his barrow, creaking and groaning under the load, and Carroll was straining too, but the barrow held firm and he was making good progress, covering the first 25m in a time of 5.01 minutes. He made the half way mark in just over 11 minutes and looked to be on course for a Munster record. When he powered into the final ¼ of the race however disaster struck when the front wheel (for those who don’t know there is only one wheel on a wheel barrow) burst under the load, Carroll after building up a burst of speed went ploughing over the top of the barrow and landed heavily on his left shoulder, his goose looked cooked. The huge crowd were hushed into silence to see if he would get up, finally in what seemed like an eternity of nearly 2 minutes he gingerly sat up, spat in his hands again and growled “f**k it anyway”, he threw the cooked goose on top of the blocks and off he meandered as he struggled to push the wounded barrow over the finishing line to a rousing reception of Sliabh na Mban in a time of 31.28. His points total just ahead of Corkery of 1243.
The crowd now were well up for the contest and with 2 competitors to go the excitement was building to a crescendo. Pints were liberally drank and the banter flowed
as freely as the piss in the field, the lack of toilet facilities was a problem for some.
Next to the line was Ger “Loughie” Loughnane of Clare. 17 Blocks was his aggressive target, however before he could even get going there was a skirmish with a small lad with a squeaky voice wildly swinging what looked like a hurley and jumping from the crowd and making a drive at Loughnane. He pulled a dirty belt across the knuckles of the bould Ger and then shouted “I am the best Goal Keeper in Clare, remember 95, remember 97”. The crowd went mad and the young fellow was lucky to get out alive after a good shoeing, some thought he looked like the dancing priest from Kerry but this could not be proved. Loughnane was seriously hurt however, but the referee from Cork a Mr. F. Murphy was having none of his pleas of a time out and made him push his load, He got only 37.4m in ot the race before he had to give up, he was disqualified to loud cheers especially from the Tipperary contingent in the crowd.
Next up was the reigning All Ireland Champion Eoin "The Bomber” Liston of Kerry. He matched the 18 blocks of Carroll but only spat the once into his hands, the crowd were in awe thinking here was a serious athlete with only the wan spit, His body hugging Lycra Kerry outfit and his newly trimmed beard gave him a great advantage in the aerodynamics stakes. He yanked up the barrow and He tore down the pathway but it wasn’t to be as the hamstring he was suffering with in the weeks prior to he contest tweaked suddenly. In Great pain, the Bomber dropped the barrow and there was only one thing for it, he pulled down the suit revealing a hidden repair kit from a hidden pocket of his suit. He took a big slug from the bottle of tae and a big bite of a crust of a ham sangwich. Casting the kit aside The Bomber farted loudly twice and picked up his wheelbarrow and made again for the line crashing over in a time of 31.19 giving him a slender lead with Carroll on points total. However upon reviewing the video of the race the referee Murphy from Cork deemed that the tae the Bomber had drank had not been Barry’s tae and he was deducted 1 point for unsportingly using a Lyons tae bag. The rules of the GPA (Gaelic Pushers Association) clearly stating that the preferred tae was Barry’s Tae.
So after round one Carroll from Tipp holds a slender lead over Liston with Corkery third and Loughnane a distant 4th.
The next competition next weekend in this Triathlon is the eagerly awaited Blindfolded Scaffolding and Shuttering Knockout, though with his height and dexterity about the box the Bomber is being made pre match favorite for this. A nation holds it breath.
Any takers for Leinster?